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Why all the hand wringing?  People are worried about the fiscal cliff, what Obamacare means to them, they worry about the rent and even what they can put on their dinner table tonight.  Why worry when the “fix” is sooooo easy?  The government could just write 300+ million checks for $100,000 each for every man woman and child in the country… right?  This would solve everything!

A family of 4 would get a neat $400,000 check, this would allow them to pay off their mortgage, the car and credit cards with enough left over to take a very nice vacation.  Can you imagine the boost to tourism this would make?  For those who rent and take the bus, now they will be able to buy houses and cars which would create jobs with the building industry and in Detroit.

Don’t worry about “where will the money come from?,” it’ll come from the same place it does now.  It will be printed!  But what about the deficit and balance sheet of the Treasury?  Noooo problem, in fact this plan will fix everything!  Come to think about it, why not really go hog wild and send $1 million checks to EVERY man, woman and child?  This will surely do the trick!  You see, right now as we speak the Fed is buying up over 90% of all Treasury bonds issued so what’s to say they can’t do a $30 trillion deal with the Treasury?  Or even $300 trillion so we can all become millionaires?

They wouldn’t even need to shoulder the whole burden, we could let the Obama crew increase tax rates to 50% and we’d fill up the Treasury in a hurry.  Besides, “deficits don’t matter” anyway.  You see, I know this because I pay attention, close attention and I seem to remember Dick Cheney (don’t ever go hunting with him because he’s a pretty poor shot) telling us 10 years ago that deficits didn’t matter.  If they didn’t matter then, then why the fuss now?

Actually, this “$1 million check plan” has other benefits than just making us all millionaires.  No one would ever have to work again and could retire immediately!  Don’t worry about Social Security, we could just fold that sucker up because no one would need the monthly payments anymore.  PLUS… and here is the good part, all of that money that Social Security has stored up in their vaults that they collected over the years could be turned over to the Treasury!  Presto, we’re really on to something now!

I just have to wonder why no one has thought of all this before?  No one would have to work, everyone would have a paid off house and 2 brand new cars in their garage, we could travel anywhere on a a whim and eat filet mignon until we bust our collective britches!  This just seems too easy and too logical not to go forward with this.  The Fed and Treasury would be no worse off than they are now and can you imagine the misery and suffering this would alleviate?

I know, some of you are wondering, if no one works then who is going produce the crops and ship them to market?  Who is going to work at Wal Mart to sell us those Chinese goodies that we SO need?  Simple… offer a “stipend” of say $25,000 (this would be taxable as we can’t forget about the Treasury) to foreigners if they will only come here to work.

See that, problem(s) solved!  Not only solved but we are talking Nirvana, Shangri La, The Fountain of Youth AND the promised land all wrapped up into one!  Who wouldn’t want this?

Who in their right mind could complain about any of it?  I mean really, where else could you get to retire when you finish the 3rd grade and have a house paid for and not a care in the world?  The only possible downside to this is that we may need to get Ben Bernanke a few more assistants since we are talking about juggling quite a few extra zeroes.  This is not a big stumbling block because as you know, zeroes aren’t that heavy since after all, they are only “hollow” numbers.

In any case, this makes an awful lot of sense to me and I hope it does to you too.  This is why I ask you for your vote as President of The United States of America in Nov. 2016.  I PROMISE that if elected everyone will be instant millionaires.  This is far better than winning the lottery because you don’t even have to spend $1 for the ticket or go to the store to buy it not to mention the hassle of actually claiming the ticket.  No, all you have to do is vote for me and then… just wait by your mailbox in a lawn chair sipping pina coladas, champagne or whatever your taste may be.  Your check will arrive and all of your problems are over!  I can’t believe no one thought of this 30 years ago, looks like I worked hard for no reason other than to be laughed at by those who already knew all of this.  Regards and don’t forget to vote for me in 2016.

P.S.  “Sarcasm off”